I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
