Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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