The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
