she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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