She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
