I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
