Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A bitchslap is in order.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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