There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
