i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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