mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
