Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize