Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize