they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
