This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
