I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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