2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
