I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
