im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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