sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
