im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
