I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
