i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I deserve this hangover.
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