I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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