I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
