Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
