You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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