I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
