Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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