The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
