A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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