and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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