i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize