Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
