he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
