the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
