I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
