If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
