so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
