so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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