looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She bit a glass in half.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
