Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Holy sore nipples Batman
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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