it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
