Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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