Soap is not a condiment
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i came on her dog
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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