ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
