That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
