haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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