I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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