i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
its not stalking. its research.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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