Jerry, you need to find god
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
