then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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