You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
being pregnant is like rehab
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
