My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
