my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
