Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
