My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
