You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
