I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
