Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
