Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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