Will you blow on my dice?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You've changed since you got that strap on
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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