I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
