I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the day after is always just damage control
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
