WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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