Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this just has baby written all over it
nutella sex= disaster
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize