I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize