nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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