Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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