he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
