I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
