I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
