That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
