this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
