Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
