the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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