I faked an abortion last night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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