I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
