We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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