She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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