My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
