My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
