well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
