you would pick up someone in the library
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When did angry sex become our thing?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
