sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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