Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
