u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
