so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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