If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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