Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
vagina is talking i cant
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
