Who did Billy Mays play for?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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