so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
