I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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