the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
