I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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