marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
