i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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