Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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