Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
