both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
