But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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