So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize