You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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