She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
