Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
