Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
