sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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