I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
